In prayer I was seeking the Lord for my husband.
My request was for his response to an unfair circumstance.
And the petition seemed so natural: Please help him walk through this with humility and grace, not defending himself or seeking restitution.
I even asked, “Lord, please help him to be able to see this circumstance not for the unfairness of it, but as You allowing something to teach him Your will.”
It almost felt as if I’d been struck.
The memories of a similar circumstance rushed in and with them all my reactions to it.
Infact I remember my husband more than once trying to comfort me and my response was refusal.
I was being treated unfairly and I was angry at everyone, including God.
It took months for the Lord to break through my stiff-necked views and to guide me from bitterness to repentance and forgiveness.
Yet when my spouse is walking through a similar circumstance, my expectations of his responses are high.
Since the Lord pointed out these truths my heart has been repentant.
I’m embarrassed by my past behavior.
I’m humbled by the truth of what I expected from my husband and yet what I allowed my own to be.
Thankfully, I was able to communicate all this to my hubby yesterday and his compassion was so deep.
He’s not judging me upon my high expectations or my hypocrisy.
It’s such a blessing to have both his and the Lord’s mercy.
To look backwards at my own feelings, actions, and attitudes gives me a much clearer understanding of myself.
I’m not as gracious or loving as I often think I am.
It’s easier to see the faults of those around than the ones inside.
It’s easier to reason away poor behavior when the pain of each wrong is stinging your heart.
It’s easier to have high expectations of others when you’re not the one hurting.
And yet God calls us to something so much better.
His expectations are even higher.
Jesus is our example in everything and I am to pattern my own responses after His.
But it doesn’t end there.
He walks with me daily to guide, train, correct, and love me.
He doesn’t just say, “Do this…”
Instead the Bible says:
“…’I will never leave you nor forsake you.’
So we may boldly say:
‘The LORD is my helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?'”
Hebrews 13:5b-6 NKJV
Thank You for Your patience with me. Thank You for leading both my husband and I through difficult circumstances. Thank You for showing me my hypocrisy that I might turn and repent. Lord, please continue to shine Your truth upon my heart that I might walk with You in humility. Keep pride and selfishness far from me. Lord, please, walk with our family every day of our lives.