Seem to work.
I crocheted, tore out, and crocheted more.
I’d put it down for a while and then come back to it. Sometimes a little break helps the brain.
Yet, it didn’t seem to work.
It wasn’t coming together.
“Lord, why is this so difficult? Why can’t I seem to figure out how to make it?”
– silence –
So, I kept at it.
Not really knowing what else to do.
My husband looked at it and said:
“It’s supposed to be a sheep.”
“Oh. Well you could add some black spots to it. It would look more like a cow.”
“Thanks. But I’m trying to make a sheep.”
Eventually, I put the eyes on hoping somehow it would help.
I went to bed fairly frustrated at my day’s work.
Why are you angry?
“Lord, I’m just trying to serve You. I thought You wanted me to make a sheep.”
Why are you disappointed?
“It just doesn’t look like a sheep to me.”
Does it really matter?
And I instantly remembered Jase’s Mr. Snuggly.
Many years ago we were at a movie theater and my son was blessed by a gentleman who had won two stuffed toys from one of those claw games.
He had walked straight over to us and asked if he could give Jase the toys.
One was a Mutant Ninja Turtle.
The other was a cute, something.
At home we all discussed what he might be.
We gave it up.
We could never agree on what animal he was.
That didn’t matter to Jase.
He loved Mr. Snuggly and is keeping it for his future children.
So, I can look at the sheep/cow and thank God.
I know even if it doesn’t seem to work like I wanted it to, it wasn’t a failure.
Failure is choosing not to try.
Failure would have been allowing the difficulty to rob me of finishing.
Failure would have been assuming that since it’s not coming together God must not want me to do this after all.
I know God allows me moments of struggle, seasons of difficult, times which require more, because it’s in these I grow stronger in Him.
When it comes together beautifully and easily I’m in danger of sliding into pride, thinking it’s all my own ability.
So, I can look on this moment of struggle and the weird stuffed animal it produced and praise God.
He’s reminding me that all my abilities are from Him.
He’s teaching me how to let go of my own ideals and surrender to His.
He has touched my heart in a way that has left me even more thankful for all the other projects which turned out well.
And who knows, maybe one of my grandchildren will love it.
No matter what becomes of this little animal, I know I can rest in God’s perfect will.
I’m happy to have something not seem to work if it’s another way for me to grow closer to Jesus.
What do you think? Sheep or cow?