Tag Archives: struggles

Starting over

It’s needed.

My health isn’t permitting me to travel three hours to my doctor.

So, today I start over.

I’ve meet him already, while accompanying my husband.

We both liked him and felt he was a good fit for us.

Therefore, I made an appointment.

Last night I shared with my husband.

“Where do I start? How do I make sure I tell him everything?”

At the time, I thought I was just concerned about accuracy.

But the truth, revealed by the Lord, is…

I’m afraid.

My life has been speckled with medical treatments and I’m not unfamiliar with surgery or doctors.

What I am is embarrassed.

I get to start over, telling someone else all that has occurred in the last year plus.

And it’s uncomfortable.

I don’t like talking about what I am struggling with.

Especially when it comes to my physical condition.

It feels like complaining.

I want to be able to share the necessary information without leaving out how good, how faithful God has been through it all.

As I begin another day and prepare for my appointment, I’m leaning on the Lord.

My prayer for today:

Psalm 19:14 NKJV — Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer.

No matter how many changes or new circumstances or times of starting over I walk through, I’m comforted.

Jesus is right here, walking it all with me.

Praise the Lord.

Sprinkles on chocolate frosting

If you read my blog titled Sprinkles, you already know why this is special.

My sweet husband had to go to the store for parts last Saturday and asked if I wanted anything while he was there.

“I don’t know where you would get one, but it’s time I had a donut.”

His eyes twinkling, “With chocolate frosting and sprinkles.”

“Right!”

Bless him, he found a little trailer which happens to sell fresh donuts.

As I enjoyed every bit of that sweet with my tea, I praised God.

Because the donut is more than a rare dessert.

For me, it’s an opportunity to remember all the incredible ways God is good.

Especially, in my own life.

How He has loved me, provided for me, carried me, and is so faithful to me and my family.

Yes, I certainly can and do praise God regularly, not just when eating a donut.

But on that day, I wanted to do something special.

It was the end of a really trying week.

The previous one hadn’t been easy either.

And I knew the following weeks held a great deal of uncertainty.

So, in a way, I was building a monument.

In the midst of struggle and uncertainty is the most important time to remember Who God is and what He has done.

This remembering is a choice to love and trust God, because He is worthy.

And that truth is sweeter than any man made thing, including a donut with chocolate frosting and sprinkles.

Ecclesiastes 3:14 NKJV — I know that whatever God does, It shall be forever. Nothing can be added to it, And nothing taken from it. God does it, that men should fear before Him.

Psalms

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Proverbs speaks wisdom for life.

And I always think of Solomon when looking at a lily.

Probably because of Jesus.

He said, “So why do you worry about clothing?  Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.” Matt. 6:28-29 NKJV

Throughout my adulthood I’ve looked to Proverbs for nuggets of truth I could apply to my thoughts.

Over the last several weeks I’ve been struggling.

My health has been and remains poor.

Our family has gone through major upheaval.

And our future is uncertain.

In these days I’ve been reading Psalms.

Psalm 23 has been my life chapter for many years now.

I have gained such comfort from copying it down over and over.

My prayer journal is riddled with verses from the psalms.

“Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help, Whose hope is in the LORD his God.” Ps. 146:5 NKJV

“The LORD opens the eyes of the blind; The LORD raises those who are bowed down;” Ps. 146:8 NKJV

As I have walked these days of struggle I’ve experienced the Lord in new ways.

He has challenged me to be more honest and less guarded with my family.

He has reprimanded me when my attitude and actions have been dishonorable.

He has comforted and encouraged me far beyond anything I have ever experienced.

Jesus, Himself has touched my soul in a whole new way.

And I have struggled.

I’ve struggled with fear.

I’ve struggled with anger.

I’ve struggled with loneliness.

While struggling in each of these ways,
I can testify to God’s faithful love.

He’s never been harsh.

He’s never been exacting.

He’s never even left me to my own self-pity.

And He’s holding me in His hand.

And that’s not all.

My children have grown closer to each other and to us.

My husband and I have found and even greater depth in our relationship.

Even in the days I’m too ill to rise I have joy in prayer.

Even in nights when I’m awake more times than I choose to count I have thanksgiving.

Even in the humility of missing my daughter’s volleyball games or in instructions on how to cook certain meals, I can rejoice in the character building in our children.

I didn’t know my daughter knew how to make homemade hash browns or our son knew how to take veggies and meat and make stir-fry.

So as I pray for today, I’m looking at the Psalms.

What balm for the soul are hidden in these words:

“The LORD is righteous in all His ways, Gracious in all His works. The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth.” Psalm 145:17-18 NKJV