The past two days

I’ve been in bed.

My health dictated a complete rest.

When I got up this morning and went out to water the garden, I was surprised.

It’s only been two days, but the garden has grown in that time.

I went back in the house to retrieve a bowl.

I was so thankful to pick green beans, peas, zucchini, kale, and lettuce.

This little plot is a far cry from our garden in the country, but I’m so thankful for it.

Whether it’s little or much our family is blessed to enjoy fresh vegetables.

And I’m so grateful for our son, who faithfully cares for the garden when I’m unable to.

He also took very good care of me.

He’s learning how to cook and made pizza from scratch yesterday, crust and all, without me.

It’s beautiful to see how God has used these two days to grow both the garden and our family.

What joy comes from resting in the Lord and His provision no matter what is occurring.

It brings to mind:

Psalm 41:1-3NKJV — To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David. Blessed is he who considers the poor; The LORD will deliver him in time of trouble. The LORD will preserve him and keep him alive, And he will be blessed on the earth; You will not deliver him to the will of his enemies. The LORD will strengthen him on his bed of illness; You will sustain him on his sickbed.

Psalm 55:22 NKJV — Cast your burden on the LORD, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.

The Lord is good and He is worthy of our love, our trust, and our praise.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank You for providing for us. Thank You for the garden and the joy we glean from it. Thank You for our son, who cared for it and me these past days. Lord, thank You for sustaining me, no matter the circumstance. Lord, You are so faithful. My heart can safely trust in You for Your ways are perfect and Your truth is life. Thank You. I love You, Jesus. Amen.

November 10

Today’s prayer:

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Hebrews 11:1 KJV

Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank You for truth. Thank You for Your Word. Thank You for salvation and Your amazing love. Lord, it is through Your Word I find hope, confident expectation. It is in You my faith grows daily, by knowing You and learning how to trust more and more. Lord, thank You for this journey of life. Thank You for the blessings and the trials, for all of it is used by You to hone my heart, to teach me Your ways that I might walk in them. Lord Jesus, You are incredible. The peace and comfort I find in You are beyond anything the world has to offer. The joy in daily placing my life in Your hand is beyond anything I could ever attain elsewhere. Lord, You are good. You are faithful. You are God Almighty. I trust You with all things. Lord Jesus, I humbly bring to You my family, please provide and protect them. Please bring them into a closer walk with You each day. Lord Jesus, I lift up my husband, please place Your hand upon him. Let his heart not grow faint in service to You and those You have called him to serve. Please give him ability and wisdom to do all he does to Your glory. Lord, the innocent, please protect them. Please return the prodigal and save those who have yet to know You. I know You are always seeking the lost, calling their names, offering them life eternal. Please let hearts be softened, ears unstopped, and eyes opened to Your truth. Thank You, Lord. Amen.

Praising God in the midst

Yesterday morning, I woke with a headache.

At first I just figured it was due to my lack of proper sleep.

I began my normal routine.

But I figured out it was more than just a headache when I realized I was struggling to read.

Then I remembered going to bed with a headache.

I got up and took my inhaler and medication.

Which set my stomach off.

I had a migraine.

I was able to get a yogurt down and later to get my migraine medicine down.

I had to remain in bed.

Thankfully, I have a spiral notebook of review work for Jase and he worked on it alone.

Afterwards, he vacuumed the living room and swept.

He brought me toast and tea.

He kept coming in to “check” on me and reheat the heat pack.

Finally, I moved to the couch so he could check on me a little more easily.

Anne had made lunch, but I couldn’t eat any.

I watched Emma with Kate Beckinsale.

I eventually felt good enough to crochet a bit.

By supper I was definitely improving.

I even ate some dinner.

Praise God!

I went to bed with a mild headache and the heat pack and praised God for His blessings.

Because, although I had a headache, I was still able to enjoy our family when they brought the grandbabies over for an evening of cards.

I even got to hold our grandson while I lay on the couch.

It’s such a comfort to know that I can rest in God’s will even when I’m feeling poorly.

It wasn’t too many years ago that I would chastise myself when sick.

I thought days of illness were days wasted.

All my efforts went to trying to get better fast.

But I’ve learned that God is Sovereign.

And I am precious to Him no matter what my health is.

He knows what is best and His grace is sufficient.

I’m feeling much better today and praising God for it.

I’ll be resting again today and I’m praising God for my family who all take such good care of me.

It’s not about what I wanted to do today, it’s about being willing to do what is best.

To surrender myself, my health, my day into God.

And praising Him through it all, because He is worthy.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank You for today. Thank You for Your faithfulness. Thank You for loving and valuing me no matter what I’m experiencing. Lord, please continue to teach me how to trust You and how to walk with You in all things. Thank You for Your unending care and thank You for being good. I trust that even in the days of illness or pain, You are with me. Amen.

Underneath

We’ve known there were issues.

We’ve been praying about God’s will.

We’ve sought out advice from others.

Yesterday it was time to act.

My hubby cut off the deck and removed the skirting.

We needed to know what was underneath it all.

To put it simply,

it’s not good.

We were talking again this morning about the best way to handle the underneath.

Some things he found were expected and others were not.

So I’m praying again.

What is God’s will?

What would He have us do?

To top it off I’m sick today.

Not with asthma or allergies.

For some reason I spent the night being sick to my stomach.

As I laid in bed this morning, unable to attend church again, I found myself questioning the Lord.

“Why Lord? Why did You have us move to this place when there have been so many things wrong with it?”

“Why allow us to purchase this property when You knew there was so many unseen issues?”

“All we want our home to be is a place of joy and peace.”

Then my body reminded me I’m sick.

And I began again.

“Lord, why?”

“I’m finally having more good days than bad ones with my asthma and now I’m throwing up?”

“Did I eat something I shouldn’t have?”

“Am I forgetting to focus on You?”

“Why are You allowing me to suffer more?”

As the questions die the silence filled in.

Then so softly,

Do you trust Me?

Am I not God?

Can you really see the end or what work I am doing?

-sigh-

“Lord, forgive my questions. I don’t need to know why. I trust You and I know You are good, therefore there is good even in this.”

Then I smiled.

–God knows best.-

There is no way around this truth.

He knows exactly what He is doing and He will continue to work all the bad, evil, ugly into good, righteous, beautiful.

And as I lay here I can praise Him.

I can trust Him.

He is worthy.

Why?

Because the disciples couldn’t see salvation for mankind’s sin as Jesus suffered torment, torture, and excruciating death.

But Jesus did.

4 good days

It’s been so nice!

From Tuesday through Friday I’ve felt much better.

Better than I have in months.

I said to Bell,

“Get ready! I’m feeling so much better and-”

She cut me off.

“I know Mom, when you feel like getting more done you expect it from everyone!”

She was smiling.

“It’s so nice to see you feeling better!”

And I did get more done.

I helped with school work.

Jase and I were able to get his binder done in record time.

I’ve done laundry.

I’ve cooked.

I went shopping.

I cleaned house.

Visited friends.

Jase even had a friend over.

It was lovely.

And through it all I was so eager.

“When I’m completely well I can…”

“If I keep feeling this much better I want to…”

“Wow, things are worse off around here than I thought, if I’m able to…”

Yup.

All that and more was racing through my brain.

But the theme which kept creeping back in was finally getting back to being the Mom I want to be.

And when I woke Saturday I thought it would be another “good day”.

And it was,

but not because I felt good.

I didn’t.

All day I struggled.

I knew early on God wanted me to simply rest.

It wasn’t easy, but I was able to put aside my desires and do very little.

One part of the day is a treasure.

I was in bed, too tired to get up.

I called Jase in.

He grabbed his iPad and climbed up next to me.

He played a video game and talked while I crocheted.

It was fun.

When my hubby and the girls got home they were a bit disappointed by my inability.

(No more than myself.)

Yet, bless them, they just rolled with it.

Today, is another rest day.

Infact, I’m not going to make it to church again.

And I’m disappointed.

But no matter how I feel I don’t want to lose the joy and thankfulness of living.

I try to make it a habit of thanking God first thing, before I do anything.

And as my day rolls on being thankful for all that comes.

I know the dangers of allowing emotions to drive my attitude.

Circumstances should never be what characterizes my day or outlook or value.

Jesus loves me.

And that makes every day a good day!

Jesus died for me.

And that means every day belongs to Him.

Jesus is always good.

And that makes every detail of my life a chance to praise Him even if I don’t feel it.

Journeying

chronic illness

I was stunned.

The words leapt off the page.

Since you have been diagnosed with a chronic illness, asthma, we are here to help…

When did I suddenly leap from healthy to chronically ill?

Do I get to leap back?

What does it all mean?

How does it affect my future, my family, my job?

Praise God for my husband.

He stepped in at this juncture and gently reminded me it’s not as bad as it sounds.

I’m not alone.

Even in this God’s hand will guide.

-pause-

He’s right.

Life isn’t about healthy or unhealthy.

It’s about journeying towards Jesus.

The older I get the more I realize this path is simply a daily opportunity.

Because if I didn’t know where I’m going, heaven, I might get confused and think the path is all there is.

But Jesus saved me from my sins long ago and because of that I can journey.

I find myself,

in those moments of discouragement

wondering

if I’ll ever be well again.

I have to be honest and say, “I don’t know, but I want to be.”

And with my next breath I have learned to say, “Jesus, I trust You, I love you, even if I’m not. Thank You for this, for in it I have learned You are sovereign.”

-peace-

There is such blessed peace with that trust and thankfulness.

And it doesn’t end there.

God has blessed me in so many ways.

The list is so very long.

Things like being able to make a new blanket for our coming grandchild, being able to read the Bible together as a family (our goal is to read through in a year), times of heart-to-heart talks, even personal growth in our children because I can’t take care of our daily needs, prayer time growing, the loving acts and words of others, even new relationships with our local pharmacist and lab technician,…

In these things there is so much.

I can truly thank God.

He didn’t make me sick, but He is using it for His glory.

More to come…

Sick…again

Often I find myself wondering.

“Am I the only one?”

“What should I do now?”

These questions come nearly every time my body refuses to function.

I get sick.

I  have to go to bed.

I am unable to serve my family or our church or the school.

On top of those facts I feel miserable and my family worries.

Several years ago I became deathly ill.

After months I finally recovered.

Yet my poor family never has been able to shake the worry when I again become ill.

I’ve had friends ask, “why would God allow all this when you work so hard serving Him?” “What about all the good you are doing for others?”

They have a good question, but it is flawed.

When I was so sick I learned our perspective is not the same as God’s.

Yes, He calls us to do.

But He created us for more than our accomplishments.

He created us out of love.

I don’t stop loving my kids if they are sick in bed and unable to do their chores.

Instead I try to find ways to nurture them while their bodies heal.

Jesus does that for me when I’m sick.

He and I have some of our best conversations when I’m too sick to leave my room.

Why?

Probably because He has my full attention.

No, I don’t blame God for making me sick.

I simply trust Him to use it when I am.

Like today.

Sick

There’s something wrong.

It’s frustrating.

It gets in the way.

But ever present,  no matter where the day takes,  no matter what is going on.

It frays the nerves.

It wears heavy, like an invisible chain hung around the neck,
pulling
pulling
straining against all that needs doing.

It can smother the breath and discourage the heart.

For those blessed with good health it is foreign and baffling.

For those who have illness or other health issues that continue, it is a fact of life.

Fighting for your health can seem a monster unable to be slain.

“Now a woman, having a flow of blood for twelve years, who had spent all her livelihood on physicians and could not be healed by any, came from behind and touched the border of His (Jesus) garment. And immediately her flow of blood stopped. ” Luke 8:43-44

This verse has encouraged me many times.

I know the monster of weak health.

I have to watch my weight, my eating patterns, my stress level, my sleep…you get the idea!

Why?

Because I am not a healthy person. It’s easy to catch a cold and hard to get well.

I have had surgery some years ago and have been improving but have accepted that if I am not careful, illness is waiting to put me back in my bed.

My attitude at times has been poor but when I read of this dear woman who touched Jesus’ garment my heart is glad.

I may have to be careful with my health but I am not alone in this.

Jesus has been with me during sleepless nights and discomfort that robs me of the ability to work.

He reminds me that this world is not my home and there are others who suffer as well from things far worse than I could ever understand.

In all of this my character has been polished.

It is a choice, but sickness doesn’t mean I have to focus on myself.

It is difficult to look beyond the inward insistence, but it is possible.

For those who struggle with health don’t allow it to steal your joy. Life is more than being healthy and being able to do what you want,  when you want.
Jesus wants to comfort you no matter how your body struggles.

For those who are blessed with good health,  pray for those who are not. Be compassionate when you run across a person who is tied up in themselves due to being sick.

For all of us, we can praise the Lord that He is God. For sending us Jesus means that we are able to have help in the everyday,  sick or whole.