Personally

I’ve been finding blogging a bit more of a challenge.

Perhaps it’s because I have been busier than usual.

Maybe it’s due to some personal circumstances.

More than both of those, I’ve simply lacked the words.

Because life sometimes leaves you speechless.

This year, more so than past years, save one.

In 2011, when the Lord walked me through what I think of as my “Job” experience, I too was speechless.

This year hasn’t been like that one.

But the amount of unexpected change has been pretty nearly the same.

Because I’m someone who finds routine and plans comforting and in a way a security, all the rotation of change has been less than relaxing.

But I know better than to allow stress.

Instead, I’m learning a new way to rest in God’s will.

To take each change as an opportunity to learn and a sign to seek God.

Because I know that God is working through each circumstance and I want to join with Him.

I want to serve Him during and through every step of each day.

Not all change is bad.

This month is “birthday season” for us, where three of our four children have birthdays.

Yesterday, it was Jase’s.

I’m so thankful for the birthday of each of our children.

Blessed beyond measure that they are another year older.

But it’s always held a tinge of loss.

I’ve always understood each year means one step closer to the finish line where I hand them into adulthood and change rolls completely.

As someone who has poured my life into my children for the past 22 years, it’s a sobering reality.

Yes, we have two adult daughters and are blessed by our sons-in-law, whom we love very much.

Yes, I adore being a grandma and I’m so thankful for the way God is working in our adults.

Yes, it is a change which is a blessing and a beautiful opportunity.

No, I don’t always look forward to it.

Because once they cross the finish line our relationship changes forever.

It’s a good change.

But not an easy one for me.

So, personally, I’ve found all the changes a bit overwhelming.

Both the ones I can see coming and those which have been unexpected.

As I walk through these things with the Lord I hope you, my dear reader, will pardon me if I’m without words.

Or maybe if I speak on other topics the Lord is walking me through during it all.

Because I know He’s got my best at hand.

He’s working through each day and in my life in incredible ways.

Because:

Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.
I John 4:15‭-‬16 NKJV

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank You so much for Your Word! Thank You for Your faithfulness! How I love the fact that You never leave me nor forsake me. You walk with me in all things. Your ways are perfect and Your truth is life. Lord, thank You for each of the changes. Thank You for the blessings of birthdays. Thank You for giving us so much to cling to in Your Word. Lord Jesus, thank You for another day. Please help me to live resting in Your presence, walking in Your will, surrendered to You. Please help me to serve You as I complete the tasks at hand. Thank You for all You have done and are doing. Most of all, thank You for salvation. I praise Your holy name, Jesus. Amen.

Getting personal

All this stretching the LORD has been doing in my heart has been a blessing.

Nope, I didn’t say comfortable.

I definitely didn’t say sought.

My flesh doesn’t like any stretching, at all.

Yet God in His Sovereignty, has been stretching me.

And of late, it’s really come as a surprise.

My personal times of prayer with my Father are so deep.

The times of reflection and questions and seeking are so precious.

It is in those times with Jesus all my innermost is open.

So when the Lord told me to text a prayer for someone I was a bit surprised.

Thankfully, He had me begin with my husband.

Then He moved on to our adult children.

But His next person wasn’t a family member.

“Lord, what if it freaks this person out? What if they think I’m being way too personal. Lord, I really am happy to pray for them, but do they really need to know what I’m saying?”

They need to know what you are and have been praying for them. They need to hear it.

-sigh-

“I’m frightened. This is hard for me.”

I know.

So, I began.

And I felt nervous right to the moment of my finger hovering over the send button.

“Lord, You are sure I need to do this?”

Yes.

I hit send and put down my phone.

I moved on with my day, because sometimes it’s easier to just do it and move on.

So I was surprised when I received a text back.

Just 4 words that brought me peace.

“Thank you so much!”

-whew-

And I thanked God for helping me obey.

I also did one of those, “I’m glad that’s over! Let’s not do that again.”

I should’ve know better!

Before I was out of bed the Lord told me to text-pray for my hubby.

“Got it! He’s been under such a trying week. I’m happy to.”

Then our adult children.

I was less enthusiastic after the first text due to my extreme fatigue.

Yet, I want our children to know how I pray for them.

So, when I finished my 4th text this morning I put my phone down.

You have one more.

“Wait, really? Lord, I want to obey You, but do I have to text them again? I’m going to scare them. They’re going to avoid our whole family. This is so uncomfortable. ”

Of course, I know better than to argue.

Jesus is so incredibly patient with me.

He astounds me with His patience.

And I sent one more text.

And I’m still a bit nervous.

But none of that matters.

What does matter is my walk with Jesus.

If the Lord wants me to get really personal and text others what I pray for them then He will use it.

He knows what is best and if I am not willing to allow Him to stretch me then my walk will be hindered greatly.

I understand myself well enough to know that I hate upsetting others.

I avoid making people uncomfortable as much as possible.

But that isn’t always what is best.

Only God knows what is best.

And since getting personal is uncomfortable for me I can only trust that God is going to use it.