Tag Archives: pain

All over prickles.

It didn’t matter.

Nothing was working.

The tension mounted till I thought I might cry.

Why?!

My heart was crying out from the pain of another’s poor choices.

It didn’t ease until the other person broke

into

tears.

I suddenly realized they were as frustrated and confused and disappointed as I was.

-pause-

-think-

-feel-

-change-

I had been the one with all over prickles.

It was leftover from a recent experience which had left me distrusting same individual.

And this time, without realizing it, I’d come to our meeting with attitude.

Praise God for His compassion.

He spoke gently to my heart and I was able to look into the other person’s eyes and past all the poor behavior.

Then the Lord filled my heart with love for this struggling young soul.

“Okay, sit here next to me and I’ll help you.”

And we worked on.

It wasn’t easy.

But removing my previous distrust helped immensely.

And it’s taught me more about myself.

No matter how much I think I’m letting go of each experience of the day to day, they affect me.

It takes purposeful time before the Lord to clean my heart and mind of the hurt or disappointment or discouragement or whatever yucky which wants to cling to my soul and harden my heart towards others.

It takes being open to the Lord showing me the plank in my own eye.

And it’s humbling.

Beyond easy to point to the wrong in others.

Piercing is allowing Jesus to point to mine.

As I pray for today,

I’m asking Jesus to hone me,

and

to remove the

prickles.

Striving to rest

Sometimes resting is easier than others.

Walking in the fullness of trust in God where each unseen moment is a blessing no matter the circumstances is a practice not an automatic.

But true rest is freeing.

To walk with even a slight understanding of God’s ability, authority, and love has been astonishing.

I was commenting yesterday about this journey our family is in.

We chatted about how God is helping us make changes so I can regain my strength.

Just a short time later I had an asthma attack.

We had to go straight home so I could sit next to the air purifier.

I felt bad.

The last thing I want is to cause other people stress and fear.

There’s something about the pain in my husband’s eyes when I’m not breathing that hurts more than my chest or the lack of air.

The concern on my brother-in-law’s face as we made a hasty exit made me wish I had some control over my own body.

Even when the girls sat with me in my room, their compassion almost pains me because I know they are hurting seeing me this way.

This isn’t the kind of mother I planned on being.

This isn’t the wife I want to be.

Someone who has to plan just in case my health takes a turn to the worse.

Someone who has to instruct from my rocking chair instead of standing alongside or even just doing it myself.

I have always wanted to serve and help others.

To be a comfort and encouragement and a place our family could always come to.

But God in His Sovereignty knew I can never truly be that.

Only God can.

And I never want to stand in God’s place.

And if it takes a chronic illness to teach not only me but all of us how to truly rest in God, then may His name be praised.

For short is this life and

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.” Job 1:21

Ouch…

image

This hasn’t been very fun.

We are the visitors and although this is a photo of the clock at half time it gives an idea.

The second half wasn’t really fun either.

The other team coach rotated in his less experienced girls and we finally were able to put in some baskets.

The end score was 62 to 21.

Ouch…

Yet the evening peaked for me when one of the team came up and told me our daughter was in the locker room really doing badly.

Thankfully we had some pain medicine which got her to the place where she could walk, with help, to our car.

It was a somber drive home.

Why does God allow things like this?

What could possibly be gained by being creamed to the point of, well almost wanting to give up?

I know that there are times we learn more from the loss.

Try doesn’t come from things being easy.

There is so much we can gain through pain.

I took away the love of many.

As we drove away my phone began to blow up with texts from concerned parents, friends, and fellow team mates.

All of a sudden the game was just a distant memory.

My daughter’s well being was the priority.

(Which she has improved a bunch and I believe she’s going to be fine.)

So even in the pain of such a loss, the warmth of love from others has restored our joy.

God can teach, comfort, and guide even when we hurt.