Tuesday

So far, this has been a week of changes.

My husband and our son left Saturday for a hunting trip.

They returned Sunday night, because our truck is not running correctly.

I prayed a lot while they were driving home.

The Lord was merciful and they made it safely.

My husband made many phone calls, in an attempt to find an opening to get it fixed.

None of the repair shops have any openings till mid September.

So, he and Jase unpacked all the camping and hunting gear yesterday.

Later the guys were going out to play a round of “cheap” golf.

Anne and I were taking dinner over to Sis’s house and hanging out there.

We did and it was lovely.

Just before bed, I was chatting with my husband.

I’ve been praying for him and wondering how he felt about all this.

His vacation is completely ruined when it comes to hunting.

But to my relief and joy he wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head and said,

“I’ve had a really good day. It’s been nice.”

“Well, praise God! I’ve been worried about how you might be feeling.”

He just laughed and hugged me.

I know from an outside appearance one ruined hunting trip probably doesn’t seem like a big deal, and in many ways it isn’t.

As a wife, I see it as a part of a much bigger picture.

My husband has had to give up so much this last year.

He’s a country guy who loves hunting, fishing, and camping.

Between my poor health and our move he’s left nearly all of it behind.

To camp, fish, or hunt he has to take time off work, plan around the travel, and then drive hours.

He used to go across the street or down the road.

Our son’s first turkey was shot in our field.

(Yes, we ate it. That’s why we hunt.)

Through giving up on the things he enjoys, my husband has had a heart of love and compassion.

He has said more than once how the little he has to give up are nothing compared to what I have had to give up.

But there’s a difference.

My health has taken away my choice, I can’t do the things.

He has chosen to be obedient to what God has placed on his heart and has given up to honor Jesus.

And he’s doing it again this week.

I don’t know what our Tuesday is going to hold, but I’m so glad I have my precious husband to walk with me.

I love that Jesus is holding us all and His plans are perfect!

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank You for Your love and provision. Thank You that even in the things we see as disappointment You see as an opportunity. Lord Jesus thank You for growing my husband and I closer together through all of this. Thank You for teaching us daily that Your plans are best. Amen.

Every detail

Although the days are flying past and the wedding date is rushing upon us I wasn’t concerned.

My husband’s outfit hadn’t been purchased yet, but I was trusting in the Lord.

He had already spoken to my heart about it.

In fact it had been more than once that His gentle voice said,

Do not worry, I have it all in hand.

So, when my husband looked at me on Saturday and said, “Let’s go buy my outfit for the wedding,” I was excited, but not anxious.

When we arrived at the store, I realized I had forgotten my dress.

My husband suggested we go look anyway.

After all it doesn’t have to match exactly.

To our pleasure and surprise he found some slacks which were not only a great color, but also on sale!

From there we headed to the ties.

I’d been praying for my hubby since we got up that morning.

He has a bad back and he’s been suffering neck pain for a while now.

I could tell his neck was really hurting.

So my mind wasn’t on the shopping.

I think that’s why it caught me off guard.

We found the ties.

Blues, black, tan,…no gray, not even one.

“Well,…we can try somewhere else.”

“No, I think I have a gray tie that will work.”

My brow crinkled up as I tried to recall all the ties in the closet.

Unfortunately, I didn’t just trust my husband to know what he was talking about, nor did I stop and pray.

“Babe, the only gray tie you have is the one from my dad and it won’t work.”

He didn’t argue.

He turned toward the check out and said, “I need to go.”

I realized he was hurting.

I saw that I’d stopped trusting.

I began to pray silently.

We had other stops to make and when we reached home he tried on his pants.

My time in prayer had restored my peace.

The slacks were very nice.

His white dress shirt went well.

He retreated to the closet to find his ties.

I followed, just because.

To my surprise and delight he drew out a beautiful gray tie with stripes.

Honestly, I don’t remember ever seeing it before and said so.

“I got this for Oreste’s wedding.”

It matched perfectly.

When my husband went to Oreste’s wedding, our Bell went too.

It is a special memory.

This tie is so much more meaningful than a new one from the store.

As I fingered it, I remembered the Lord’s voice.

And thanked Him for all His faithfulness.

He truly has every detail in His hand.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank You for Your faithfulness. Thank You for this added blessing of the tie which will hold even more memories as my husband walks our daughter down the aisle. Lord, truly You are the beginning and the end, and Your understanding is beyond anything I could ever imagine. Thank You for bringing something so small into the last pieces of the planning. Thank You for loving us so much. I love You, Jesus. Amen.

The gift of times past

Sis, Bell, and Anne were the reason it began.

Years ago, I wanted to give my husband something he’d have at work to look at, reminding him of his little girls.

I made sure to glue in some of their artwork along with their pictures.

Often, I would add a comic cut from the newspaper.

As we pulled one after another out of a box, Anne asked me when I started making calendars.

“Honestly, I can’t remember.”

I’m so very glad I did.

It has been so fun to look back through them now and again.

At first I always used blank calendars and had to do everything, including write in the date for every day of the year.

I’ll be honest, I messed up more than once!

When I learned how to download my pictures into premade templates and order them, the hours crafting a calendar dropped significantly.

Funny thing though.

My husband liked the homemade ones better.

He’s sweet and knows it’s easier for me to do the online thing, so he’s never complained.

I think the only time he might complain is if he didn’t receive a calendar at Christmas.

Each year the whole family enjoys flipping through the newest calendar on Christmas Day.

No matter the template I use, I’m sure to include two things: pictures of our children and verses from the Bible.

Because our family wouldn’t be if it weren’t for Jesus.

He’s the reason we have memories to look back on.

His love and provision has sustained us through thick and thin, health and illness, times apart and togetherness, little and much.

The Lord is the reason we are the family that we are.

And it seems especially important to praise Him for holding our family.

Today is my husband’s birthday.

He doesn’t like parties or fuss of that sort.

But I feel secure that he won’t mind me thanking God for him.

Thanking the Lord for the memories of past years, months, weeks…days.

Thanking the Lord for giving me to my husband as wife: his beloved, his friend, the mother of his children, and a fellow follower of Christ.

I’m thanking God for the love we share.

Our relationship has deepen and grown and we are both deeply in love with one another.

I praise God for His blessings upon our family.

I praise God for His continual provision.

I praise God for my husband.

“Happy Birthday, Handsome!”

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank You for the birth of my husband. Thank You that he loves and serves You. Thank You that he loves and provides for us. Lord, please continue to guide, direct, and speak to him. Give him discernment with our family, our finances, his occupation, and our family dynamics. Lord Jesus, guard him from the enemy. Place a watch over his eyes, his heart, and his mind. Keep his feet planted firmly upon Your paths. Please let his words be full of wisdom, understanding, and Your Word. Thank You so much for all Your blessings and love. Thank You for our family. Amen.

A keepsake

The longest we have lived in one place is seven years.

Then the Lord moved us here.

Before that our longest had been five years.

It’s been good for me.

I’ve learned a lot.

One of the lessons has been in letting go.

God never wants me to cling to things.

But He has also surprised me in this season we are walking in.

Not long ago I was in the kitchen when my husband came from the garage.

His new job has required his focus and he’s not gotten his garage just the way he wants it yet, but he’s working on it.

That’s what he had been doing when he came in.

His eyes held mine tenderly as he reached out his hand.

His blackened fingers (something I love about him, he works with his hands just like my dad did) grasped something which he placed gently in mine.

I had no idea what it was.

“Look at the inscription.”

So, I turned it over till I found the initials carved into the metal.

I knew exactly what they stand for.

It was as if time fell away.

And my bare feet were standing upon the concrete of our driveway.

My long brown hair carefully braided and still wet from running through the sprinkler in the lawn.

My father working on Mom’s car in the driveway.

His tools carefully laid out on his work towels.

And there was Grandpa, talking to Daddy, bent over looking under the hood.

It’s not a real memory.

More like a collage of memory scraps all pasted on top of one another, making a whole picture.

So, how did a small piece of initialed metal cause this?

Because it was a tool used by my Grandfather and given to my dad which eventually was passed on to my husband.

All three men worked on machines of one kind or another.

My husband said he’d been going through his tool box and found it.

Tools have come a long way and this one is pretty obsolete compared to the other sets he has.

But he knew I’d want to keep it.

So, now it’s sitting in my room.

A reminder of how incredible God truly is.

It’s also an opportunity to pray for my extended family.

I doubt I’ll keep this forever.

It needs to move on, into the possession of another man who works with his hands.

But until the Lord shows me who He wants to bless with it, I’m happy to let it remind me of my childhood.

To let it spur me to prayer.

And to praise God for His unfathomable love and care.

Truly,

2 Samuel 7:22 KJV — Wherefore thou art great, O LORD God: for there is none like thee, neither is there any God beside thee, according to all that we have heard with our ears.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank You for this keepsake. It means so much to me that You would care about a tiny insignificant detail like this. But You understand things that I will never comprehend. Thank You for all Your love and mercy. Thank You for sustaining me throughout every part of my life. Thank You that life has seasons and in each one You have a plan and a purpose. Please help my eyes to be open to what You are doing in this season. Please help my mouth to speak only Your words of encouragement or exhortation. Please let my feet never stray from Your paths. Thank You, Jesus. I love You. Amen.

Rewriting, again

It’s been more than ten years.

This effort to obey, to write, to put in words a story from my heart.

It’s been a reoccurring question.

“When are you going to finish your book?”

Most of the time, the voice was my husband’s.

I’d written.

I’d rewritten.

I even printed it off a few times.

Yet, it never felt right.

Something seemed forced.

Lifeless words, just black lines on white paper.

I’d put it away.

I’d stopped trying.

Until yesterday.

Sis had found a copy on one of her jump drives and enthusiastically given it to me.

“Look what I found! Now you can finish it.”

I thanked her.

And I prayed.

“Lord, it’s been years. I don’t feel able to get this book into shape. I’m afraid to even try again.”

Why did you write it?

“You told me to.”

Who were you writing for?

“Our children, but especially our daughters.”

With the fresh vision and focus, I plugged in the jump drive and settled down to work.

Because writing is work.

I rewrote the first chapter.

I’m going to work on it again.

When I feel chapter one is ready, I’m going to make copies.

Then, I’m going to give them away and ask for comments, corrections, and critiques.

In this way, I am trusting the Lord to fulfill the vision.

Because my very own family, who I’m writing this for, will be a part of the creation.

I’ll be honest.

I’m nervous.

But I trust God.

He will guide and direct.

He always has.

May He be glorified through this effort, no matter how the book turns out.

My husband’s love

It was some time after eleven at night.

I had taken my rescue inhaler multiple times.

My husband had helped me move to the living room where I could lay down on the couch and have the air purifier blowing in my face.

Nothing.

No improvement.

So, while I lay there, my husband hooked up the nebulizer.

He sat next to me while I took it.

It helped.

A little.

It was like slowly smothering.

And I couldn’t communicate.

I started to cry.

I told him, he should take me into town.

Not to the hospital this time, but I was unable to spend the night in our house.

He helped me outside and then began grabbing things so we could leave.

We checked into a hotel.

It was wonderful.

My breathing calmed down and my airways improved.

It was after midnight when we tucked into bed, both of us exhausted.

When we got up the next morning we had the nicest breakfast I’ve ever had at a hotel.

The kids got to swim in the pool with their Dad while I stayed behind to enjoy the quiet and rest of a clean room.

My husband loves me and his actions prove it.

He was exhausted that day, but his care and concern were consistent.

And as much as neither of us wanted to say it, he said,

“You can’t live in our house anymore. I want you to be where you can breathe. So, we need to make plans and you need to live with Tim and Sis until we have another home.”

His love is such, that he has placed my needs before his desire.

He doesn’t like me to be so far away and I don’t enjoy being separated from him.

Yet, I’m comforted by his love and Jesus’s.

So, instead of staying another night as planned, I drove North again.

I’m certain God has all this in His hands and I’ve been so encouraged by His Word.

“Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all. He guards all his bones; Not one of them is broken.”
Psalms 34:19‭-‬20 NKJV

God has provided me with so much,

and I praise His holy name for each.

But especially for

my husband’s

love.

Surprised by love

He’s not the average guy.

I remember the way my heart fluttered on our first date,

and my dreams becoming true at our wedding.

I recall the way my emotions overflowed when he held each of our newborns.

My husband has blessed me in so many ways in the past twenty-two years.

Of course neither of us are perfect.

We’ve had our struggles, disagreements, disappointments, and even deeply hurt one another.

But none of that has been allowed to keep us from love.

We choose to love both Jesus and each other.

And these past two days have reminded me of just how deep God’s love is.

Sunday was rough.

I was very blessed by a visit from a young man who is a missionary and a family friend.

Unfortunately, I was struggling a great deal with asthma and the conversation was rather one sided.

(It’s difficult to talk when you’re not breathing well.)

My husband came in afterwards and realized I needed to take my nebulizer.

So he helped me get it setup and sat with me the whole time.

He spent the next several hours just hanging out.

Yesterday my asthma was worse.

Just as I was really struggling with breathing my phone rang.

It was my husband.

He spoke a few sentences.

I tried to answer.

His voice came across with such urgency.

“Honey, you’re having an asthma attack! Stop trying to talk. I’m coming home.”

I know the job my husband does and dropping everything to drive the twenty minutes home isn’t a small thing.

I tried to communicate to Anne to call him back, to tell him he didn’t need to come, to let him know I’d be fine, and she finally understood.

I took my nebulizer and improved.

Anne and Jase had gotten me a drink and a blanket and I was sitting in my chair feeling better than I had all morning.

Suddenly my bedroom door opened and my husband crossed the room in a few strides.

He still had his radio on, his clothes showed dust, but it was his eyes which surprised me.

His eyes held such love and concern which had prompted his actions.

It blessed me to the point of tears.

I told him he didn’t need to come home.

His job is difficult enough without adding my health to his burdens.

He looked at me and smiled.

“Honey, I think your health is just helping me keep my priorities straight.”

We talked about what we needed to do.

It didn’t take long for the decision to send me back to Sis and Tim’s.

I breathe better up here.

I’m still surprised by the depth of love my husband has for me.

It’s really a gift from God, because I certainly haven’t earned it.

To see Jesus’s love pour out of my husband with such depth, such beauty, such sacrifice.

And it’s not a first.

I really shouldn’t be surprised.

Scripture tells of this same love from God poured out from one person to another.

And history tells story after story of people who lived that same love.

I am very blessed to have that same love bestowed upon me from my husband and our children.

I have not earned it.

It’s a free gift.

It’s a daily choice.

It’s such a blessing.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank You for filling those around me with Your love. Thank You that they are so patient as we walk this path of my health struggles. Lord, please encourage others who might doubt Who You are or if You’re really the loving God they have been told. Let our family’s story shine Your truth. Thank You so much for my husband. Please walk closely with him while we are apart. Thank You for Your incredible love.

When the night gets longer

This is my wonderful hubby.

When the big storm hit he worked tirelessly to be sure our home was protected.

He also drove back and forth to work making sure his co-workers were doing well and things were getting covered.

Last Thursday evening he was called back into the plant after working a long day.

He didn’t get home till about 1 am.

After working 11 days straight and part of the night shift he was able to get three days off.

Last evening he called me.

He hadn’t made it home yet and he needed to head back to work.

Around 10 pm he called again to tell me not to wait up, but he should only be an hour longer.

I woke many times after going to bed and prayed for him as he wasn’t home yet.

When he did make it in he said it was about 3, and for me to go back to sleep.

He was asleep in a few moments, but I lay awake praying for a while.

The next 3 hours of sleep were broken by my asthma.

It hasn’t happened in weeks, but this early morning I woke us both, more than once.

Yet, when I accidentally knocked something to the floor while dressing my husband didn’t growl.

He got up and wished me a “good night”, kissed me and went back to bed.

It wasn’t until I was getting my breakfast that I really saw his text from last night.

“The night just got longer”

No complaints.

No self-pity.

Nothing but facts.

And as grueling as my hubby’s job can be, we both are very thankful for it.

Many a time I’ve heard him say, “Praise God for my employer.”

It causes me to smile up at Jesus.

The Lord is the One who has provided all we have, including our jobs.

Therefore whatever the job requires is a blessing.

And we both want to give glory to the Lord!

Even when the night gets longer.

Surprised

Ever have those moments when you realize how wrong you were?

This is my husband’s guitar.

When we were married it only took about 2 months for me to decide that hunting and fishing weren’t as neat as I had originally thought.

In fact I started to hate my husband’s guns as if they were my rival.

Thankfully we were able to come to some decisions about how our time was used that helped me change my opinions.

5 years later my husband mentioned to me he really wanted a guitar.

I laughed.

The guy whose existence was in the woods or on the water!

What would you do with it?

“I really want to learn to play music. ”

Okay.

But what I meant was: Yeah right! It would sit in the corner and be one more thing I would have to deal with!  What a waste of money.

(I’m being honest!  This is how I felt.)

As I prayed for my husband I kept remembering what he said.

Finally I got off my high horse and called our pastor and asked about how and where to get a guitar explaining about my husband’s desire.

Our pastor was so excited and he called his grandfather long distance to ask an expert what would be best. Then gets on the Internet and calls me back wanting to know if I had a credit card he could buy the exact guitar, case, and a beginner lesson book for a really good deal.

Grrrr.

Sigh.

No, I don’t have one.

At this juncture my sister in law pipes up wanting to know what is happening.

(She had randomly dropped over for a visit. )

The next thing I know she’s on the phone and my husband is getting a guitar for Christmas from me!

That Christmas I spent in the hospital because our daughter was born that morning.

(That’s another story! )

But how surprised I was to see my husband’s reaction.

He brought the guitar and played the first song in the book to me.

In fact he became well known in our ward because he played his guitar every day.

We went home and he played it everyday after work.

He is still playing guitar.

We upgraded and got him a nicer one.

He even learned the electric guitar.

Then he taught our oldest to play.

Now she sings and plays worship at our school for Bible class.

She even writes her own music.

And I shake my head.

How wrong I was!
How close my opinions came to smashing a wonderful gift.
How foolish to think I knew my husband better than he knows himself.

How wonderful God is to use such a small thing!
How glad I am the Father continued to press on my heart about the guitar.
How thankful I am to those who helped me along the way.

I still giggle when thinking about when we were in the same hospital after our son was delivered.

My husband was softly playing his guitar and singing to our son.

The nurse walked in towards me.

Stopped
Wheeled around and said in a surprised tone,
“Wow! You’ve really improved from the last time you were here!”