Limitations

February was rather challenging for me, as my health wasn’t as good as in January.

Like always, the Lord provided for my every need and I’m so thankful.

He also encouraged me by comparison.

This February was much improved over last year’s.

Yet, I had a rough day Friday and had to apologize by the end of it.

As the day wore on my attitude went south, because I wasn’t communicating my struggles.

It’s difficult to describe the balance between expressing a physical need and complaining.

Many years ago, the Lord showed me a verse and I’ve tried to live by it ever since.

Philippians 2:14 NKJV — Do all things without complaining and disputing,

Often, I fail and find I’ve both complained as well as argued, but the Lord is faithful to show me my error and to forgive.

Yet, I don’t want to sin against Him, nor others, so I continue to try to follow this verse.

Thus, I had to apologize for my poor behavior on Friday night and to be honest about my struggles.

Part of my attitude problem was disappointment.

We had plans for Saturday and I knew my body needed me to spend the day in bed.

I wasn’t happy about it.

My family was also disappointed, but encouraging.

They support me so much and I am so thankful!

The day in bed was worth it.

By Sunday evening I was feeling better than I had in two weeks.

It was a good reminder that no matter what, I can trust the Lord.

And in that daily trust, there’s understanding.

Some days will be better than others.

It’s best to be honest with myself about my limitations as well as with my family.

Through it all, I can and will praise the Lord.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank You so much for helping me. Lord, thank You for giving me the chance to rest and the strength I need for today. Lord, You alone hold all things in Your hands and I am sorry for allowing my own desires to be my focus, instead of being honest about my limitations. Thank You for teaching me so much. Please continue to help me learn not to complain or argue, but to pray and be grateful. Lord, thank You for Your patience. Thank You for Your love. I love You. Amen.

Just not…

“You’re just not breathing well.”

My husband’s words were spoken with compassion, but lacked the urgency and concern of a year ago.

Praise God!

This time last year, I wasn’t doing well at all.

Getting through the day was my prayer every morning and at night I thanked God.

My health has been steadily improving and most of this week I’ve functioned better than I have in a very long time.

It was yesterday evening when my husband’s words encouraged me to do nothing but rest.

Although, my health has not returned completely, I understand it may never go back to the way it was.

I am so thankful for what I am able to do.

To keep house, cook, and homeschool is such a blessing.

For I have learned God is the reason I can do anything.

All my abilities, including breathing, are solely a gift from God.

2 Samuel 22:33 KJV — God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect.

Therefore how my body reacts to each day is under God’s authority and whether I’m feeling well or poorly, I can rest in His Sovereignty.

Philippians 4:13 NKJV — I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Never before have I realized how much of my “doing” is all because of Christ strengthening me.

It’s not about how much I accomplish in a day.

It’s not about me “doing good works” for God.

It’s resting in the truth that every breath, every breath, is taken because Christ strengthens me.

Same goes for the strength to walk.

Every beat of my heart, is because God has given me life and the strength to live another moment.

Which means I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

And I’ve never been so thankful for the gift before.

To God be all glory and honor and praise!

He is truly worthy of all praise and worship!

Psalm 13:6 NKJV — I will sing to the LORD, Because He has dealt bountifully with me.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank You so much for breath. How great it is to have the ability to walk and talk, to hear and see! God, You give me so many things, and I’m sorry for being ungrateful to You for my life, I’ve not always realized what abundance You have provided. Lord Jesus, thank You for saving my soul. Thank You for the Bible! How blessed I am to read Your Word any time I want. Jesus, may my life reflect You. For You are incredible. I love You, Jesus. Amen.

During my absence

Forgive my absence in writing of late.

Thursday I came down with a fever.

I ran a fever for four days, although Friday was decidedly the worst and highest.

It was a difficult time, especially on my family.

God healed me.

His faithfulness is incredible.

I will be recovering from this for a while but I am so thankful to God.

He was with me the entire time.

When rest was unattainable, I was blessed to pray for all the people He brought to mind.

When my head swam and thoughts refused to make sense, a song of praise was my steady place.

Even when the simple joys of life seem difficult to recognize, I could find joy and comfort in repeating the scriptures.

Jesus is my Shepherd.

He has restored my soul.

Nothing is unbearable if Jesus shares it with you.

Praise God!

This is my comfort in my affliction, For Your word has given me life. Psalm 119: 50 NKJV

Starting over

It’s needed.

My health isn’t permitting me to travel three hours to my doctor.

So, today I start over.

I’ve meet him already, while accompanying my husband.

We both liked him and felt he was a good fit for us.

Therefore, I made an appointment.

Last night I shared with my husband.

“Where do I start? How do I make sure I tell him everything?”

At the time, I thought I was just concerned about accuracy.

But the truth, revealed by the Lord, is…

I’m afraid.

My life has been speckled with medical treatments and I’m not unfamiliar with surgery or doctors.

What I am is embarrassed.

I get to start over, telling someone else all that has occurred in the last year plus.

And it’s uncomfortable.

I don’t like talking about what I am struggling with.

Especially when it comes to my physical condition.

It feels like complaining.

I want to be able to share the necessary information without leaving out how good, how faithful God has been through it all.

As I begin another day and prepare for my appointment, I’m leaning on the Lord.

My prayer for today:

Psalm 19:14 NKJV — Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer.

No matter how many changes or new circumstances or times of starting over I walk through, I’m comforted.

Jesus is right here, walking it all with me.

Praise the Lord.

Another step

It had been a long day.

I’d heard from Anne a few times.

It was the first day of school and she was looking forward to seeing her teachers and the school secretary.

But what I had been unaware of was how she was feeling.

So when my husband called to inform me he was driving from work to pick her up I was surprised.

“She said her chest is really hurting and she’s taken her rescue inhaler a lot. It’s not helping. Should I get her to the Urgent Care?”

After more conversation we decided the best course of action required her relocation.

Tim and Sis had gone to a movie, so I texted them to get in touch with me when they were available.

Sis texted back right away asking what I needed.

After a brief explanation they responded promptly.

Despite the fact that Tim had to get up at 3am for work, they left the theater to meet my husband on his way up.

He too had to be up very early so it cut the three hour drive nearly in half.

When she arrived I gave her a breathing treatment and put her in bed.

The following day I watched her closely, spoke to the nurse at her doctor’s office, implemented her suggestions and prayed.

I was relieved by the end of the day.

By today’s end, my heart was encouraged by her progress.

She has an appointment next week and I’m hoping we can pin down all of the details on her health.

It’s just another step in the walk of life.

Sometimes I want to be frustrated and angry.

I want to feel sorry for myself and pout.

But those things are a waste.

They waste my efforts upon useless nonsense.

Instead my energy is much better used to praise God.

Praising Him for my husband, daughter, and son-in-law.

Praising God for the nurse who listened and gave me the right direction for her treatment.

Praising God for the provision of house, bed, food, medicine, and the physical energy to take care of our girl.

And it’s another step of faith.

Do I trust God in all things?

Will I choose to follow no matter how hard it gets?

Has my relationship with my Jesus more room to grow?

–Yes-

And since yes is the answer I can look forward without fear.

Because no matter what the day holds,

it’s simply another step

in the adventure.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank You for Your faithfulness. You know it’s been a temptation to look at the problem instead of at You. Please help me to keep my eyes focused upon You. Please continue to carry our family as we walk this path. Hold us in Your hands and let us look only to You. Please break in pieces anything which would hinder our relationship with You. Thank You for all the ways You are working through this walking.