What am I willing to give?

I was praying.

It was just the Lord and myself.

My heart was pouring out my emotion.

Grieving the loss of my daughter.

Yes, marriage is a gift from God.

Yes, I’m happy God is doing this.

No, this time I hadn’t walked the path of letting go yet.

What are you willing to give?

I knew.

God’s question centered me at the heart.

My pain was due to my refusal to accept reality.

She doesn’t belong to me.

She never has.

I love our children so deeply, sometimes I cling to them when I shouldn’t.

A memory surfaced.

At a little over a year old I had to grapple with the fear that she might be severely unwell.

In that season I had to learn to let go and give her to who she belongs to: God.

My thoughts turned to Job.

None knows grief like he.

And he said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked shall I return there. The Lord  gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord .” In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.
Job 1:21‭-‬22 NKJV

“Lord, forgive me. I surrender all to You. Our children, my husband, our lives, everything.

And the pain subsided.

“Lord Jesus, You alone are worthy of all praise.”

“Thank You for all Your gifts and blessings.”

I don’t know what today holds.

I don’t know what tomorrow brings.

But I do know Who is holding me.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank You for forgiving me of my selfishness. For my error in claiming something as mine which is actually Yours. Lord, I repent my mistake and my emotions from yesterday. Thank You for Your mercy. Thank You for helping me see correctly. You alone are the One who owns it all. I trust You with each step and each day. Thank You for again guiding my heart back to resting in You. Thank You for Your love. I love You, Jesus. Amen.

7 thoughts on “What am I willing to give?

    1. hope Post author

      Thank you. Honestly, this was a difficult post for me. It’s tough not to be embarrassed by my error, but if someone is blessed by my honesty over my mistakes and God is glorified, then it’s well worth it. God bless you!

      Reply
      1. tastybiteweb

        You’re human and are allowed to have feelings… we just can’t live by them. You repented and knew to lean on God in the struggle even though you weren’t “happy”. Romans 8… nothing could ever separate us from the love of Christ. He created us with emotions and knows how to comfort His children.

        I’m sure I won’t be the only one this comforts. ❤️❤️❤️

      2. hope Post author

        Thank you. You are correct, nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. What a comfort!!
        I really appreciate your encouraging words. I pray God blesses you today. I know we’ve never met, but I’m sending you a hug. ❤️

  1. G.W.

    I have heard it said that Jesus weeps at our earthly funerals. He feels the depths of our sorrows as well as the heights of our joys. Your motherly heart is well evidenced here. Thank you for sharing this.

    Reply

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