Being transparent

I hope, dear Reader, you don’t get weary of my rose pictures.

It’s my favorite and I never get tired of looking at it.

One of the convictions I have is to be as real in my posts as possible.

To safely and appropriately allow you to see what the Lord is doing in my life and my family.

Frankly, it doesn’t always come easily.

But I am convinced that through my transparency, the Lord will be given all the glory.

I never want someone to see my life and say, “Well that’s just you. It’s easy for you because…”

I’m so far from being the reason I can do or have done anything at all.

Yesterday was another example of that truth.

I’d been struggling with being very tired for a while.

But honestly, thought it was just due to the extra things I’ve been doing.

I’ve always struggled with pushing myself too hard.

So, it’s common for me to wear myself out.

However, yesterday morning I knew I was more than just tired.

It was a humbling experience.

It began with calling the doctor’s office.

The receptionist was very kind and pretty soon told me to go to the lab and then be at the office at 10:30.

Due to my extreme discomfort, I was unable to keep my voice smooth.

She was very nice about it, which I appreciated.

I can hear the question: “What was going on?”

Well…-sigh-…I have another UTI.

One of the side effects of my daily inhaler is the possibility of developing a UTI more easily.

I take a supplement everyday in an effort to combat that.

However, it’s still something I have to deal with.

I was very thankful for my doctor, who got me right in.

As I stood at the lab, I was not feeling well, at all.

Despite all my efforts, I couldn’t keep the tears from coming to my eyes as she asked me questions.

She too was very kind.

Her parting words were: “I hope you feel better soon.”

My uncontrollable emotions were embarrassing me.

I hate crying.

So, I really can’t put into words how I felt when my doctor came in and sat down.

My discomfort was obvious and my frustration at being sick with this again ( I was just in last month for the same thing) couldn’t be held in check.

Tears began to spring from my eyes as my voice cracked.

Inside myself I was more embarrassed about my lack of self control than anything, but some part of me was pleading: “I just want to get well!”

I didn’t say any of that, but just that I woke up and was experiencing a lot of discomfort.

I apologized for my emotions.

Thankfully, my doctor is amazing.

He didn’t turn away or act embarrassed.

He gently offered me the tissue box.

I took one and worked hard at pulling it together.

“Take two.”

His voice and manner were exactly what I needed and I was able to contain myself.

I left shortly afterwards.

Anne drove us to Sis’s house where we could wait for my prescription and of course to tell her what the doctor said.

As we traveled, I thought back through it all.

I realized my biggest issue isn’t my physical problems.

It’s my attitude.

Yes, I can be honest and say I get sick of being sick.

However, when that creeps in, I know I’m looking at the wrong thing.

So, I began to praise God.

Starting with thanking God for the perspective adjustment. and then on to the huge numbers of people I’m so thankful for.

My family.

My doctors and nurses. (You get blessed with more if you have to see a specialist.)

My friends who pray for me.

My pharmacist and the people who work there.

It’s such an overwhelming blessing to be treated with such care and love.

I truly don’t deserve any of it.

But Jesus blesses me anyway.

Because of His boundless love.

I’m doing better today.

Both with my physical and my emotional self.

As I spoke with the Lord this morning He talked about transparency.

I wasn’t excited about writing a blog and sharing my struggles.

Yet, His gentle voice spoke deeply to my heart.

You need to be transparent about this.

“Yes, Lord. Whatever brings You glory, even my weakest moments.

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
II Corinthians 12:9 NKJV

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank You for yesterday. Thank You for walking with me even when I’m struggling the most. I know I can always trust You and that Your ways are perfect. Thank You for reminding me that life isn’t about what I can or can’t do. It’s about learning to lovingly trust You in every detail. Lord, for those people who are struggling just now, please help them to learn this same lesson. Let their hearts be turned to You. Let them find comfort in Your Word. I love You, Jesus. Thank You. Amen.