Wrestling with questions

Dear Reader, you need to know I didn’t want to pen today’s words.

To be this transparent feels a little too vulnerable.

Yet, as I prayed for the Lord’s topic, I couldn’t get away from this one.

Every one has there moments of weakness.

That time when the enemy’s doubts assail your heart faster than you can deny.

Because the lies he tells so fluidly are always mixed with just a bit of truth.

And it was the bit of truth which I was wrestling.

Of course it came in the quiet.

The night season, when my weary body desired rest, but sleep was absent.

I couldn’t understand why I was struggling.

It wasn’t a new question.

It was one I’ve already answered.

With all my soul, I wanted to simply say, “get behind me, Satan.”

“What if you never get better? What if your life is nearing the end?”

I hate “what if” questions!

Yet, the questions had done their damage.

Before long I was just praying with worry, instead of trust.

But the still small voice came and rescued my fearful heart with His love.

1 John 4:18 NKJV — There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

I will lead you.

I will guide you.

There’s nothing to fear.

And then, because God is incredible, He spoke clearly to my heart about some small changes I needed to make.

Most of them had to do with parenting and homeschooling.

But one in particular had to do with my out look.

All were an encouragement to my heart, because it brought a clear direction for my days.

He took the sting out of the questions.

Jesus placed me in His peace.

He’s done it so often and I’m always bewildered when it’s suddenly vanished.

Silly as it is, my first inclination is to ask God why He’s moved away from me.

Of course, He never has.

I’m always the one who has drifted.

It’s never a huge step away.

It’s always like a very young child who slowly goes after the dandy lions.

At first they still hold tightly to their loving father’s hand and simply pluck the flowers within reach.

But as the path begins to move away the child still looks at the dandy lions and picks all within reach.

Then it happens.

As the little one strains at the very edge of their small fingers, focused on “just one more” the elusive lion seems to sway farther from grasp, and…

…the little fingers let go.

The focus of holding tightly to their Papa has been replaced with their desires.

They have let go of their father’s hand, just momentarily, to pluck the bright faced lion.

That is how it works when I suddenly realize I’m not holding, clinging to my Father’s hand.

When fear grips me in a frightening clenching and I drop all my lions and fling both arms up.

Begging to be held close by my Papa.

He always does.

Which is what occurred last night.

Like any small child who has had a fright, my eyes soon closed in peaceful sleep, safely tucked in my bed.

As much as I feel shame at letting the questions of the enemy one moment in my heart, I am certain I’m not the only person struggling with questions.

If you are one, whose mind has been the field of a bloody battle, drop whatever you are clutching, fast, and cling to Jesus.

He’s willing and ready to save us from both the enemy and our poor choices.

I pray you find peace in Jesus today, for any and all questions you might be wrestling with.

Because only through Christ Jesus can we find what we really desire most, love, peace, and security.

He has them all and His gift is free to us, although it cost Him everything.

7 thoughts on “Wrestling with questions

    1. hope Post author

      Thank you. It’s not always easy to be transparent, but I pray God may be glorified through my life, both the successes and the failures.

  1. Steve Rebus

    Awww Hope such a beautiful and honest post, thank you. God is truly glorified through you and your blog.
    Reading this reminds me of one of my fave quotes by Joni Eareckson Tada “…we will stand amazed to see the topside of the tapestry and how God beautifully embroidered each circumstance into a pattern for our good and His glory.”
    I still can’t believe how sisters in Christ like yourself can bless me from around the world. God bless you. 😀

    1. hope Post author

      I love Joni! She, Amy Carmichael, and Elizabeth Elliot are my heroines.
      I’m humbled and blessed that Jesus can use me to touch others.
      My husband said exactly how I feel the other day, “What an incredible God! He can use a tiny sick little lady in her bed to bless the hearts of others.”
      Thank you for your comments and your encouraging blog. I’m so glad God has brought His people closer together. Praise God for His blessings!

      1. Steve Rebus

        Amen Hope, never give up and keep posting and we’ll all give praise to God too! 😀

        The words your husband said speak to me too…Not only is he spot on about you, but that’s exactly how i feel as a little blindman sat on his computer sending out tiny posts that go around the world to glorify God and edify, encourage and inspire God’s family just as you do! 🙏🏻 Thank you Jesus.

        God bless you.

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