It seems a ridiculous idea on the face of it.
But as I spoke with the Lord about today’s post He prompted it.
It comes from a journey which doesn’t match my own ideals.
I truly believe God can heal me completely this instant if He wanted to.
But He doesn’t.
I’ve even asked Him.
“Why Lord? Am I sinning somewhere and this is punishment? Have I failed You in some way? Why am I suffering like this?”
And one day, so softly it was difficult to hear.
“Do you forgive Me?”
I was startled.
What?! Me forgive GOD?
Obviously that’s completely absurd.
God doesn’t sin.
He doesn’t make mistakes.
But there it was, He was asking me if I forgave Him.
With a rush I realized all my questions had been from a stand point of hurting.
I just wanted it to stop.
And somewhere along the way, I was holding God responsible.
“Do you forgive Me?”
“Yes, Lord. I trust everything You walk me through in this life. I know You love me.”
And with that a door opened.
It’s not easy to explain.
It’s hard to admit so much pride in myself.
But I was able to look backwards and see all the memories where disappointment was a poison which rot my relationship with God.
There have been so many times in my walk when I’ve prayed and sought God for something.
I’ve been passionate and persistently bringing something before Him.
Then the answer comes.
Without something which would help my mind to better understand.
And I have not taken it well.
I’ve just been angry.
Yet, beneath it all I knew God has what is best for me in mind and I’m being foolish.
So the moment of answering the Lord came not for simply one thing but years upon years.
I had simply placed those things to the side.
I hadn’t even known what lay inside my own heart, but it needed rooting out.
God doesn’t need me to forgive Him.
After all just because life doesn’t flow the way I want doesn’t mean the Lord is in the wrong.
My pride in thinking “this is how it should be…” when I’m only able to see a teeny tiny area of time and the world.
Not unlike a very young child who cries and is angry because they are not allowed to eat candy before supper.
They simply can’t see the damage it can cause.
I’m humbled by a peep inside of my heart.
But I’m also so grateful to the Lord for showing it to me.
Our relationship wouldn’t thrive if He allowed me to go on unconscious of my own state.
And in seeing the arrogance of self, I more fully realize the amazing
grace of God.