Striving to rest

Sometimes resting is easier than others.

Walking in the fullness of trust in God where each unseen moment is a blessing no matter the circumstances is a practice not an automatic.

But true rest is freeing.

To walk with even a slight understanding of God’s ability, authority, and love has been astonishing.

I was commenting yesterday about this journey our family is in.

We chatted about how God is helping us make changes so I can regain my strength.

Just a short time later I had an asthma attack.

We had to go straight home so I could sit next to the air purifier.

I felt bad.

The last thing I want is to cause other people stress and fear.

There’s something about the pain in my husband’s eyes when I’m not breathing that hurts more than my chest or the lack of air.

The concern on my brother-in-law’s face as we made a hasty exit made me wish I had some control over my own body.

Even when the girls sat with me in my room, their compassion almost pains me because I know they are hurting seeing me this way.

This isn’t the kind of mother I planned on being.

This isn’t the wife I want to be.

Someone who has to plan just in case my health takes a turn to the worse.

Someone who has to instruct from my rocking chair instead of standing alongside or even just doing it myself.

I have always wanted to serve and help others.

To be a comfort and encouragement and a place our family could always come to.

But God in His Sovereignty knew I can never truly be that.

Only God can.

And I never want to stand in God’s place.

And if it takes a chronic illness to teach not only me but all of us how to truly rest in God, then may His name be praised.

For short is this life and

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.” Job 1:21

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