Not what I wanted to hear…

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I’ve never made one before,
but I had extra time on my hands
and yarn.

The time came from an appointment.

It caught me by surprise.

I didn’t want to hear,

“How about you take the rest of the week off. Tomorrow is Thursday. Have a nice long weekend and rest up.”

My doctor was looking at me with a frown.

Of course he was right.

I needed to take some time to rest.

I took the next day off.

Then I had to take the following week off.

Too ill to get out of bed means too ill to work.

But the rest and “do nothing” paid off and I felt better.

I even went back to work this week.

“I’m not 100%, but I’m getting slowly better.”

My response to inquiries.

So when I went in for my follow-up appointment for bronchial pneumonia yesterday I had an expectation.

Unfortunately,
my cough
wasn’t what they wanted to hear.

“We are going to run more tests…”

That wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

So instead of taking myself home,
I went to the lab.

“The doctor doesn’t
have any other openings,
it has to be a morning appointment.”

Which means missing work again.

Also,
what I didn’t want to hear.

As I drove home I realized my news to more tests wouldn’t be welcome news to my kids.

With this reflection,

I began
to
sing.

Praise the Lord!
For He is GOOD!

No matter what things,
I don’t want to hear
He is near.

I have no idea what today holds.

I have no power,
even over my own body,
save to choose to follow Jesus
no matter what.

I have nothing
to be upset over,
Jesus will teach me through this.

Don’t misunderstand.

I’m not excited about any of this.

I’m not feeling good and I want to.

But

I’m not going to be alone.

Whatever tomorrow brings,
He’s walking with me.

Whether I’m sick or healthy
I belong to Him.

And I can praise and thank Him
for all these things.

Because the longer I live the more I realize my life isn’t valuable for what I do.

My life is valuable because of Who He is.

He values me.

And His value isn’t based on my activities or experiences.

It’s based on His love.

And I’m fuller,
more alive,
when I focus on Him
and our relationship.

To hear His voice in the Word.

To feel the peace of thankfulness enfold me.

To know that He has never left me,
ever.

That is what I want to hear
and it washes the things I do not want
until even the worst of all is pure.

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