Learning to listen

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This is our house.

And I love  it!

Yesterday, I realized something.

I never wanted to look at it much less buy it.

And yet I love it.

I don’t believe I could be happier in a home than I am in this one.

Why didn’t I listen to my husband when he first showed me the photos of it on the website?

Because I am a stubborn and very opinionated person, and the little house in the picture was completely opposite what I decided would make us happy.

I wanted a big 4 bedroom farm house, where I could decorate it in the country fashion and we’d be able to raise animals and a garden and an orchard.

Instead God knew we needed a little house with no fence but lots of trees.

A place near our school and easy to keep up.

A place where we could do without raising animals for now but where our kids could run through the trees and live outdoors.

A place with imperfections which He has used to teach us patience, trust, and a new way to love.

A place where I can have more flowers than I’ve ever had before and more opportunity to simply make a place to enjoy and relax instead of work.

A place where healing comes through times of quiet reflection and prayer and comfort in eachother.

Yet I didn’t listen to my husband when he asked me to look at this house.

I didn’t listen when he showed me the benefits of the property.

Instead I dug my heals in and crossed my arms and basically said I’d do it but I wouldn’t be happy.

How foolish.
How sad.

To think I understood our needs better.
To think I was more in touch with the Lord.
To think that I couldn’t be happy because I wasn’t getting my way.

Of course all of this is in reflection.

I wouldn’t have owned any of those things at the time.

-sigh-

How often do I stand in God’s way when He’s trying to bless me just because I don’t think it’s what I need?

How many times do I have to be wrong before I will trust my husband with leading our family?

How long will I have to fight my own desires, preferences,  and will to trust God has it all together?

Probably a lifetime.

But hopefully never in the same way twice.

The older I get the more I want to learn to not beat myself up over mistakes but to learn from each one a lesson to pass on.

I thank God for His patience with me.

I kissed my husband, thanked Him for our wonderful home and again apologized for refusing to trust him.

And I can smile.

Because with each mistake,
I’m learning to listen.

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2 thoughts on “Learning to listen

  1. nickyab

    Well I can relate to that a lot! When my hubby told me the Lord wanted us to move to France for his retirement I was not impressed! I had to wait for the Lord to tell me He would be by me in France too 🙂

    Reply

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