I have…

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“I have declared Your faithfulness and Your salvation; ” Ps. 40:10b

As these are the words written by King David.

They inspired me.

My own story of salvation and grace is not one dot in time,
but an on going rhythm of life.

Yet when I first began the journey,
I was about 4 yrs old.

My Sunday School teacher, whom I loved dearly, was telling us about following God.

I remember her saying following God was to let Him be in charge of your life and it would mean Jesus was King.

My latest and favorite games at the time involved dressing up in sheets and pretending to be part of a royal court.

When I heard the news that Jesus would be my King, I couldn’t be more thrilled.

At home I asked my Mom to help me have Jesus as King.

We kneeled down and prayed.

Sometime later I heard several messages from a pastor at Vacation Bible School explaining the need for Jesus and I began to worry I didn’t do it correctly the first time.

So I went back every day to the place where the children were to pray and earnestly prayed for Jesus to save me.

I know my presence was a little confusing to at least one of the adults because I kept praying for salvation.

They seemed to think once was enough,  but failed to share with me any Bible truths on walking in the knowledge of salvation.

The period of concern over my saved or not saved issue passed (most likely due to the teaching of my mother who patiently explained it several times).

I spent my childhood telling other kids at school about Jesus and His love for them.

Often I did so and then acted in a manner which showed I may believe Jesus loved them but I didn’t.

However, I truly wanted other people to know Jesus.

Then we moved.

I was barely 13 and was ready for some changes.

I was thrilled to live in the country instead of the city.

To have animals and the ideal of growing our own food and being free from the need to buy things. (Which shows how little I understood how to farm!)

My father became sick and we went through a turmoil and uncertainty of how to deal with the everyday.

I had to learn to cook and clean and do outside chores.

My faith struggled as I strove to make sense of the difficulty we were living in.

Yet years went by and my King became second to the pursuit of the ” love of my life”.

After all, I was supposed to find this guy so we could live “happily ever after”.

(Don’t laugh too hard, I really believed it.)

I made so many messes trying to be what each new boyfriend asked that I lost my self.

I kept thinking if I would just change they would stay and solve all my problems.

The funny thing is I still went to church and read my Bible and prayed but my King was no longer allowed to rule my life.

So I got married at the tender age of 20 and discovered we had no idea how to live let alone doing it “happily”.

I was in need of salvation again.

Not from marriage,
but from myself.

I had wrecked emotions and skewed perspective because I had tried to do what I thought best and was suffering because of it.

And He did.

Jesus saved me.

Not by radically removing me from the consequences of my sin but by walking me through them.

He still is.

And I still need Him desperately.

Often I find times of trial or difficulty,
but I know He is King.

He will save me.

Because He loves me dearly,
and proves it daily.

So I can say:
“I have declared Your faithfulness and Your salvation.”

How about you?
What’s your story?
I’d love  to hear it. 

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