In the past,
I have been blessed to encourage young couples as they seek God’s will for their lives.
In the everyday basics of dodging what is unhealthy,
planning for the future,
looking forward to the blessings of a lifetime together,
and holding steady to God’s Word,
they have run into many questions.
One of the most common:
“How do we know this is the right one?”
In today’s world of looking for a soul mate,
of searching for the perfect person who will make their spouse happy,
the idea of seeking a person for one’s own fulfillment,
God never intended marriage to replace our individual need for Him.
To find security, purpose, and fulfillment in a person instead of the Lord is impossible as well as foolish.
However this doesn’t mean people should not be thoughtful as well as wise when looking for a spouse.
God makes it very clear the person who has accepted Him as their Saviour should not even think of marrying someone who has yet to do so.
Marriage should never be the “tool” to get someone to change their fundamental beliefs.
Marriage was created by God and when seeking a spouse one should take into account the priorities in life.
Do both hold the same views on children, work, church, the Bible, future calling, and common interests?
Variety in these things is healthy,
but direct opposites is dangerous.
What happens to the couple when the first child comes along and Dad wants his wife to leave the baby with childcare while she wants to quit so she can stay home?
What happens when the wife feels a need to work at the career she has trained for but her husband also desires to move up in his field which means a change in location resulting in the loss of position for the woman’s career?
The goals, purpose, and drive of each should not be in opposition to the other.
So how do two people answer the question: “how do I know it’s right” ?
are you equal in fundamental beliefs?
will marriage promote the mutually beneficial encouragement to your lives?
what is your motive for marrying?
Be careful, for a motive of selfishness in a relationship is a recipe for heartache.
Think about it in the reverse.
Would you want to be joined into a lifelong relationship because the other person wants you to do or be the answer to their own desires, or status?
Of course not.
Each of us wants to be valued and loved.
We want to have a spouse who will join with us as we face life as a team.
So when answering the question of how does one know if these two people are compatible for life there is a twist.
One can look at all the facts and make wise decisions based upon the priorities.
But ultimately as believers the guidance of the Lord Jesus must be sought diligently.
Only through the wisdom and Word of the One who created marriage can two people truly find the answers to the questions of life.